Fiqo.blogspot.com: An Exemplary Blog In All Aspects.

Funny.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I saw this picture while spying on my sister one day:-

It made me laugh for about 6 minutes! A girl wants a testis? Is she kidding me? Or not? Why am I asking so many question in my own blog?

Ok, my point is:-

Please write 'testimonial' instead of 'testis'.

It sounds better that way.

Anyway, study and do well for your end of year exams. (I dont say 'good luck' because I dont believe in luck.)

I am off now.

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Scientific questions...answered*

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Many of us have asked yourselves about how the world works. Such questions challenge our minds to think and use our logic and sense to figure out why it happens. By not using mythical characters and unknown creatures that I have never ever seen before, I will be explaining on why certain things happen on Earth, or outer space.

1) What is gravity and why is there gravity?

Well, all of us know what is gravity. Gravity is the think that pulls us down towards the ground and such. But you are all very wrong. Never have I seen anyone as wrong as you. This is the real definition of gravity:-

Gravity is the weight of the air above us PUSHING us down into the ground.

This is the visual explanation of Gravity.

As you can see, it is not a "pull" force, but it is a PUSH force by the weight of the air molecules. The Earth's gravity has nothing to do with gravity, the Earth's gravity's job is only to guide compasses to where North and South.

2) Why are there so much ice in the North and South poles?

Explained above, gravity acts on the North and the South pole of the Earth. As ice is a very magnetic substance, it is ATTRACTED towards the polar regions, thus, creating ice land masses at the poles. This has nothing to do with the angle at which sunlight hits Earth because, the only job the Sun currently has is to encourage global warming and kill millions of South Africans.

Do not believe those who tell you that the polar regions are cold because there is little infrared waves radiated towards the poles. THIS BELIEF IS NOT TRUE. The polar regions are cold because:-

"There are a lot of ice there" - Wikipedia.

Ice makes other hotter things cold. Which comes to the next question...

3) Why is it that the temperature at the polar regions reach below 0 degrees Celsius?

This is because, like I said, ice makes things cold. The Theory of Cooling states that:-

"The more ice you put into a body or substance, the colder it gets."

According to this theory, the polar regions are cold because there are a lot of ice there. Simple and easy. Almost like ABC. But not like 123, since 123 can be expanded into infinity, something I hate.

4) Why are we here?

Why are we here...erm...

Humans exist only because of ONE REASON:-

"SEX."

I will explain no further, I dont want to be sued by immature people who cant think like adults and such. Anyway, back to the topic. When we insert the thing into the thing, a CHEMICAL REACTION takes place. This is the illustration:-

After about 9 months of reaction, it becomes a macromolecule, one big molecule. Once there is no other space in the "place of confinement", the molecule is ejected out of the "place of confinement" and is able to move around freely, making a lot of noise in the process. This is called "Birthday" in layman's term.

And that particular molecule...is one of us.

_______________________

That is all for today. I wont be updating as regularly because my end of year exams are coming and I got to study and such.

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We do need to improve on our english.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Recently, my brother bought an mp4 player from somewhere. He fished out the mp4, chucked the packaging to the side of the study table(lazy...) and approached the computer for some video and audio supplies. I was feeling very bored...so? I went to the packaging, took out the "User's Manual" and browsed through it. There were jokes inside.

What I meant "jokes" is that the English is so bad every sentence sounded funny if you read them aloud. Take for example:-

"Donot suddenly disconnect when the player is formating or download or upload file. Otherwise, will cause system mistake."

(The "donot" is on purpose.)

"Cause system mistake"? After minutes of thinking, I came to a conclusion that they wrote everything in the Chinese language and used a dictionary to translate the sentence word by word. This successfully explains why the sentence structure is so bad, and why the words used is wrong in the context given.

Some other such examples are:-

"DO not let the player scrub or hit hard body,otherwise ,it will cause the player surface scratched even cause the player to break up or some other hardware damaged."

It was quite a thrilling experience to read the manual. Even if I try to purposefully make my written English bad, it will not sound as funny as those presented in the manual. Everything was explained when I noticed that the product is "made in China". In fact, every product that have the word "super" in it, take for example: "Super gun" or "Super Station" is made in China. Not that I am insulting the country or something, the word for this is spelt as "l.o.s.t. i.n. t.r.a.n.s.l.a.t.i.o.n.".

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Chicken Essence Sucks.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

"OUR CHOICE."

Ever heard this very useless phrase before with a student smiling while holding a small bottle of chicken essence while smiling at you with a fullytucked in school uniform, hair with slope and neatly combed to the side? Yes. Behold, the chicken essence. It tastes like chicken and it smells likechicken but the difference is that it sucks while real chicken rocks.

How come EVERY top student drinks chicken essence. Isnt that like pure coincidence? Assuming that the chicken essence is a con from the producers,the top students are being paid a high amount of money so that their faces will be shown to the public while another editor writes: "OUR CHOICE." at the side. This advertising SEEMED to work, but it doesnt. It only shows that top students are show offs and that they should be killed. (but then, there would be ANOTHER top student, so we have to keep killing until there are no more students.)

If essence of chicken is so healthy, why isnt chicken healthy? Simple, there are artificial chemicals added to the essence, so it wont taste so bad and th vitamins are just crushed veggies. Protein comes from the chicken itself.

This is a quote from the BRAND's website:-

"Question: Can each of my children consume a bottle of Essence of Chicken for Children EVERYDAY? I gave them a bottle every morning before school on weekdays and before tuition on weekends. I was told that giving them everyday will reduce the effect of keeping them alert as it should be given during stressful time like before the examination period. Is this true?

Answer: BRAND's Essence of Chicken is an unique high quality product manufactured by the latest technology under highly hygenic processing conditions. It is an all-natural health food supplement, made from fresh wholesome chicken and contains no fat, no cholesterol, no preservatives, no added msg, no stimulants, no artificial colouring and flavouring. It is also sugar free and low in sodium. BRAND'S Essence of Chicken is a food product and can be consumed daily and should not result in any side effects, withdrawals or addiction. In fact, it is scientifically proven to be efficacious if taken regularly. Scientific research conducted at more than ten universities indicates the BRAND'S Essence of Chicken can reduce fatigue, improve one's mental concentration/alertness and boost the immune system.

We recommend you to consume one bottle of BRAND'S Essence of Chicken daily. BRAND'S Essence of Chicken has been a longstanding and much loved product with a heritage of more than 170 years. Consumer health and well-being is our number one priority. As a product with scientifically proven health benefits, we are confident of the safety and efficacy of our products."

This is the supposed original one, but it was edited so that it would be more "consumer friendly":-

"Question: Can each of my children consume a bottle of Essence of Chicken for Children EVERYDAY? I gave them a bottle every morning before school on weekdays and before tuition on weekends. I was told that giving them everyday will reduce the effect of keeping them alert as it should be given during stressful time like before the examination period. Is this true?

Answer: BRAND's Essence of Chicken is a cheap product and everyone can buy it. It is made by squeezing frozen chicken until the ice melts, the melted ice will contain the essence and this will be poured into a small bottle. It contains no fat. It will not make you fat..................since youre already fat.

The product is a food product and can be consumed daily. It should not result in any side effects. If there are side effects, we will not be responsible. It is your own fault that you buy this product.

We recommend you one bottle every few minutes as this will maximize your son's and daughter's health. They may die if they do not consume the essence of chicken.

Essence of chicken may reduce fatigue, why? This is because your child is not exercising while drinking this piece of crap, so he wont feel tired.

To release stress, let us say, your mother died, then, drink chicken essence."

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Pokemon Vs Digimon: The Series Part 1

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Pokemon and Digimon...

These are the two Japanese-made cartoons that have "mon" in their names. Both cartoons display monsters fighting each other with a "trainer" to achieve something. Nevertheless, they have a similarity, they both sucks. But let us put that aside and look at the good stuffs:-

The good/bad stuffs about Pokemon:-

1) Their language is the easiest to learn. By stringing their names together and repeating it with different tones, beats and pitches, they will be able to communicate verbally. Example:-

Pikachu's name is pikachu. Her language is:

"Pi...KA, CHU! Pika...pika...chu! Chu pi ka pi ka pi pi pi kakaka chu chu pi ka chu pi pi."

I find this concept very stupid. The Pokemon will say, shout, whisper the same thing, even when its fighting. This is by far the lamest thing on Earth.

2) They have innovative names for their Pokemon games. The names are influenced by colours, and beautiful gems, but dont get tricked, the gems represents a colour. The creators obviously think we are stupid, but we are not.

These are some of the names:

Pokemon Blue, Red, Yellow, Green.
Pokemon Sapphire, Ruby

When they didnt have any other names or when they simply are too lazy or such, they add an adjective behind the colour:

Pokemon FIRERed and LEAFGreen. (WOW!!! SO innovative!)

The next few games for the Pokemon series will have a more complicated colour:

"Pokemon Dark and Dirty Camouflage Navy Green."

3) THEY WILL NEVER DIE!!! This is the BEST THING IN POKEMON.

Yes, a Pokemon, after being run over by a truck, smashed onto a wall by Mewtwo, cut into half by a chainsaw, will simply FAINT. It will not die. It will never die, at least, in the show. This is because, Television producers from Mediacorp, who are gay and have pampered children, cannot stand watching their children watch living things DIE. They think that it is a very violent thing.

Tune in for the next Part 2 for the Digimon side! And eventually, the ultimate conclusion in part 3.

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Never, ever, drive in the morning.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Sitting at the "al fresco" part of my father's lorry, I fished out my mp3 and started listening to some Hammerfall songs. I was sleepy I guess. Nevertheless, I still love school. It takes less than 15 minutes to reach school and the best thing is...I get to have a place where I could sit comfortably instead of standing in a bus with people moshing to slow pop music.

The lorry sped across the road and.....BRAKE!!! There was a person who is cycling, while listening to music. Worse, she, I repeat, SHE, is cycling against the flow of traffic. Which means that, the lorry is going to smack into her face, while her face is going to smack into the lorry. No prize for guessing who will die. The lorry had to do a sharp right turn in order to dodge her. She is such a bitcherel! I was like: "YOU WANT TO DIE IS IT?!" and "NOT HAPPY IS IT? WHAT TO FIGHT ARH!". This was because she disturbed my peace I had with my beautiful fact-paced power metal rock music.

After that ordeal, I came into another near-accident. This time, it concerns the lorry and a man who is listening to music while looking straight forward and cycling on road. He is NOT looking out for other vehicles. I would like to stress on that. The situation is very difficult to be described by words, so I would like to present you my graphic model:-

As you can see, if my father did not stop in time, he would be dead by now. And my father's license will be gone for a long time. This is when "bastarderell" comes into place.

There is a pattern. People listening to mp3 players are putting their lives at stack. They wont be able to hear any incoming vehicle, or someone shouting at them to step away, etc. This is why, all of you should stop listening to music. You should start reading poems instead. Always looks left, look right, look left again, call your mother and say your potential last words and cross the road. Life is precious. Dont waste it.

Good bye for now.

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How subjects taught in school benefit us: Physics Part 6

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Physics...

The basis of all sciences. Everything depends on physics. Something moves...that, is physics. A molecule launched into space with a rocket booster with plural engine using emulsified and co-radiation nuclear fuel with 32-bit diode spin with an electron transverse wave in the center...that, is physics. I know you dont understand the previous sentence. The reason being, it is a "physics" sentence. Therefore, I conclude that,

"Physics is the complication of an English sentence, whereby only a relatively small number of people understand." - Afiq, copyrights 2007.

Why do I say so? Here is an example of the application of physics.

English: The ball was thrown upwards and slowed down till it seemed to hover on air for an instant and it started falling.

Physics: An object, preferably a ball, was given 41N of thrust upwards, and, taking up as positive and down as negative, it moves in constant deceleration, eventually, reached zero velocity but with the Earth's constant gravitational pull that pulls any object at 9.807 m per second per second, the ball starting accelerating downwards.

Back to the point. So how does physics benefit us? These are some of the benefits:-

1) When you do not have enough words to complete an essay, use physics.

"..........He dropped the bottle. Jane frowned. Her fluctuating emotions was revealed in her wrinkles on her face, as deep as a trench. Gravity is a phenomena where all objects with mass attract each other. Michael was not amused. He was angry, not entertained. Jane did not perform to expectation. Gravity is needed to keep us on the ground. He took his gun and put a bullet through Jane's head. Gravity pulled Jane's body towards its center..........."

I think I have explained my point.

2) You can "know the future".

Using physics diagrams and such, you can know what will happen next without the need of Iris. Here is an example:-

A train is speeding towards you and you are standing in the middle of the track. The driver is sleeping and no one is driving the train. After three seconds, the train is 3 centimeters away from you. Will the train hit you?

With physics, you can safely say "yes!".

Erm? Right. That is how useful physics is.

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Games Convention Asia

Monday, September 10, 2007

Game conventions are good. They increase the demand for games and thus, help the games industry in Singapore. Good job.

Recently, I went to GC Asia with my friends last Sunday. Not bad arh, there are girls in miniskirts, girls with exposed belly, models walking around the exhibition.....and games. They are

very distracting, really.....

You hold the Xbox 360 controller playing a demo of Guitar Heroes. You pressed the right shoulder buttons as an array of colored blips appear on screen. Sweat accumulate in your hands, the Xbox controller is getting slippery, when suddenly, a pretty and hot model walk pass and you lose concentration. Your hands released the controller, it fell and broke. The model walk up to you and say:-

"You very stupid."

Alright, out of point. Asiasoft AKA Maplestory creator was there. Once again, they are advertising a very boring game. It features childish characters running around a 2D map filled with mushrooms and monkeys. The name of the game is Maplestory. At this one time,thousands of people are wasting their time and money playing this game.

Walking around the exhibitions, I saw this group of males staring at the computer. There was also a commentator commentating with nonsensical words such as:-

1) Fire dragon
2) Dota
3) Chimaera
4) Warcraft rocks!

Guess? Yup, its Warcraft 3: Frozen Throne. They were playing Defense of the Ancients(Dota)on the Warcraft platform. I can give you three games that are better than this game:-

1) Dead or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball
2) Hello Kitty: Save Earth with rabbits
3) Hopscotch

Well, the convention was not bad. There were hot girls walking around. Who can resist?(this does not apply to girls, for more information, visit girlsrocks.com) I got to take a picture with one of the models(and my brother's shades), as in, advertisers for one of the exhibition called
"10tacle".

They were showing off many games that were not released in Singapore just yet. They are creating "delayed gratification". This is to let potential buyers oogle over the games until their saliva short circuit their computers. This is when they have to buy another computer.

_____________________________________

Hopefully, the next post will be a continuation on the Sony VS Microsoft series, taking note that Nintendo Wii just entered the battle in the previous part, part 3!

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Vanessa Hudgens is a porn star?!

Saturday, September 08, 2007

(This post may sound rude at times. Sorry.)

High school musical...

What a great show. This show is about people who try to sing and ACTUALLY got successful. They overcome boundaries after boundaries, such as people telling them that singing is not what they should do. And they are right.

Sitting in my school canteen, Jun Jie lend me his Newpaper (today). I looked at the cover page and I was shocked. A picture of Vanessa Hudgens...nude. And of course, the newspaper editors censored the picture, duh. You would be asking me what had happened to her...good, I will answer that question.

She took a nude photo that appears to have been taken in a bedroom or an on-set production trailer. Standing and pulling her hair back with one hand, she shares the frame with a bed, a wooden dresser, the carpet, the table, the chair, the hair, the vase, but not the shirt, the bra, the pants.

This is what she said to reporters:-

"I want to apologize to my fans, whose support and trust means the world to me,"

"I am embarrassed over this situation and regret having ever taken these photos. I am thankful for the support of my family and friends."

This is what she really meant:-

"You all very irritating lerh, I do small stuffs like this also cannot. But continue supporting me, this is my full-time job."

------------

"Vanessa has apologized for what was obviously a lapse in judgment. We hope she's learned a valuable lesson."

This is what she probably said to the reporter:-

"I will never be naked ever in my life. When I bath, I bath with a t-shirt, pants and a cap. I will cover my body with mud and will never take a picture of myself. No one will ever see me again. I will walk around fully covered. This way, I will never be called a porn star."

This is the reason why you should not like any celebrity. Anyway, a celebrity does not mean "someone that celebrates". ALL celebrities drive while they are drunk. They also like to eat drugs and smoke. They also like to give themselves stupid names. These are two of the most stupid names ever.

1st stupid name: 50 Cent.

His real name is Curtis James Jackson the third. His fake name, 50 cent, makes him cheap. This is the most un-unique name ever. And his name is also irritating, it makes a conversation very difficult to be carried on.

Afiq: Eh, I not enough money erh...
Guy: Oh, what do you suggest?
Afiq: Can lend me 50 cent?
Guy: Huh? Dont be stupid, he is having a concert at Atlanta and youre asking me to call him and tell him to take a plane HERE? Stupid.
Afiq: No, as in, half a Singapore dollar.
Guy: Then say so!
Afiq: I did.

2nd stupid name: Akon, pronounced as air-con.

His real name is actually more funny than his nick name:-

"Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam"

For him, it is good that he got "Akon" as his name, because his name would destroy the teachers mouth. Imagine...

Teacher: Everybody, sit down, I want to take attendance. Erm...err, who is this?
Akon: Is it Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam?
Teacher: Yeah, how am I going to pronounce you name?
Akon: Aliaune Damala Bouga Time Puru Nacka Lu Lu Lu Badara Akon Thiam.

See?

Bibliography
Link 1

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Introduction

A Singaporean male teenager living in Singapore.

If you enjoy this blog,
you will SURELY love...

Http://Normanau.blogspot.com

Notice

There is only one post per page. Please use the archive section to read other posts.

Tagboard

This tagboard is probably the best tagboard you have ever seen.

Podcasts

Click to listen

Series

How subjects taught in school benefit us P1
How subjects taught in school benefit us P2
How subjects taught in school benefit us P3
How subjects taught in school benefit us P4
How subjects taught in school benefit us P5

The Shrek Series Part 1
The Shrek Series Part 2

SONY vs Microsoft Part 1
SONY vs Microsoft Part 2
SONY vs Microsoft Part 3
SONY vs Microsoft Part 4

The Finger series: Middle finger
The Finger series: Index finger
The Finger series: Downward pointing finger

The Mas Selamat Series: Part 1
The Mas Selamat Series: Part 2