(This post is very explicit. Parental guidance is advised. Counseling may be required after reading this post. Proper medicine could help.)
(This post is rated: M18)
The long lost question: Why can we drink cow milk but not woman milk?
This is a question given to me by a fiqo.blogspot.com reader that wanted all the facts about the difference between cow and woman. This is the email he sent to me:-
" I am very bored at home. Currently, I am watching animal planet. They are doing some kind weird milking with goats and cows and the host said that it tasted so good! I have a friend, who is a girl, and everytime I asked for her breast milk, she slapped me. The teacher sent me to the principal. I thought that she sent me there so I can get the principal's breast milk, but when I asked the principal for it, she sent me to public caning.
Is it because their milk has a very bad taste? "
My reply was:-
" No, it is because you are very insensitive. But I will still answer your question. "
Here it goes.
1) Cows cannot speak English.
When you milk a cow, the cow cannot say anything to you. The cow simply cannot speak English! (or spanish, or indonesian, or italian, or chinese, or japanese (who cannot cook), or the malay language) Even if the cows want to insult your mother, your father, your children, all they can say are:-
"Moo."
"Moo!"
"Moo....."
"Moo?"
"Http://fiqo.blogspot.com"
But, female humans can speak English. When you milk them, they will spurt out a variety of words ranging from "You are" to "an idiot". The female species is a very interesting species. They are like cats. They make a lot of noise. Here is an example of a group of females that makes a lot of noise:-
2) We cannot touch them.
It is of maximum immorality to milk a female. We all know it. They call it "molestation".
But when we milk cows, they call it "milking".
This is the controversy sparked by famous doctor, Rain. He said that everything that looks the same must be given the same title. Technically, "studying" and "torture" has the same meaning, but given different words as they apply to different people. "Studying" is the act of torture to students while "torture" simply refers to everyone studying.
The reason that he(rain) expose his chest during every single show that he conducts is that he wants to show that everyone can milk him.
3) Criticisms
Some people criticise that only babies should drink human milk. Babies are the first stage of the growth of a human being. Rain, who was once a baby, argued that babies are just normal human beings, except that they can only cry and that they are very small in size.
I dont understand why people want themselves to have no hair. As such, I went around asking others what their view on bald-ism is. There are many reasons why people are bald.
1) National Service
When men go to national service, they have to pull all their hair outs. This is done because of a number of reasons:-
a) They will not be distracted by their hair
How will someone get distracted by their own hair? Their supposed hairstyle! If a guy have a mohawk for his regular hairstyle, his hands would be meddling with his hair most of the time, instead of reloading his SAR-21 or cooking his grenade. Imagine, during National Day 2008, a guy in the parade takes out his beret and start applying Gatsby Wax on his hair...the president would take out his gun and shoot him straight away.
b) Hair produces dandruff
Do you know why companies such as Gatsby and Onelook exists? And why they are not at a shut down point? The reason is: they produce dandruff and dandruff is contagious, thus many people such as girls buy their products, giving them profit.
This is a picture of a girl:-
2) Britney Spears
Not long ago, Britney Spears, a girl, which is not a boy, was depressed. This made her go to a barber and she shaved almost all her hair out. Then, Britney Spears fan from all over the world shaved their hair to cosplay themselves to become Britney Spears. This is similar to people, mostly Japanese (who dont know how to cook), who dress themselves up to become a cartoon characters, such as Spongebob Squarepants.
In case you dont know, Britney Spears is an actor. Her main role in acting is to act like a singer.
3) Adaptation
It is a must in some countries, such as Iraq and Israel to be bald. Why? Because hair traps air, and air is a bad conductor of heat, and thus, there is less heat exchange with the surrounding. (The previous sentence is currently one of the few facts presented in this blog.) And this is what they all hate. That is why they shave their head bald.
Bald heads reflects heat more effectively than heads with hair. This is because hair is black, and black surfaces absorbs heat more effectively than other colours.
Also, Gatsby do not sell wax to these countries. This means that the guys there cannot make beautiful hairstyles and so they just bald themselves.
4) For a cookie.
There are many more reasons. They will be posted up as soon as I make up another one.
I didnt laugh for the first few minutes of the show, but I started laughing after that. I think Mediacorp has done a great job in making a show that is pure crap and pure lame. Many do not appreciate the art of lame and crap and making the scripts for the show is actually very difficult. You have to be brave to make a new type of show in Singapore, why? Everything in Singapore is just dramas, dramas, dramas and Singapore Idol.
Let me quote what a Singapore netizen said in a forum:-
"As I've promised myself I'm never going through another 30mins agony of watching this dumb program. I wouldn't know whats the next episode about.
But they've been airing the trailer of this program so much, with which I cannot avoid. I've been seeing the trailer for the next episode. There's this segment which they are toying with some coverage about 'doctors trying to amputate a patient's body, waist-down'.
I don't know what is this all about, but if they are creating a joke out of this, it is totally insensitive and cruel of Mediacorp and its producers. Whats the part about the "supposed patient not having to be drunk etc after the operation". Does Mediacorp and its producers of this program know that there are people born with this adverse birth defect and do not have lower half of their body? If given the choice, would they rather be born normal like all of us? How about people trying to deal with paralysis of their lower limbs, or even conjoined twins? If this is what their joke is about, IT IS NOT FUNNY!!! Mediacorp and the producers ought to be slapped in the face!!! That only proves Mediacorp is not socially responsible to its viewers and the public.
If they want to make a joke, why don't they cover issues like 1. The ridiculously HIGH minister's pay 2. The ever-increasing ERP which was supposedly to "regulate" traffic 3. The constant increase in utility bills 4. The Longevity Insurance 5. The government's contribution to global warming when they decided to make cars cheaper and entice families to have more than one car 6. GST, how much of what we have paid have gone into GST 7. Income tax, where did all these money go to 8. Even the poor choice of T.V programs from Mediacorp 9. The NKF issue and all other not-so-transparent Charity organisation 10. Victor Tang's advancement into LTR Finals... the list can go on... etc etc
Would they dare explore into these issues instead of conjuring up with some stupid accent and ridiculous humour???"
As you can see, this person took the show too seriously. COME ON, it is just a parody. I bet that if this show is hosted somewhere else other than Singapore, this person wouldn't mind the humour. But why so conservative when it comes to Singapore?
"Does Mediacorp and its producers of this program know that there are people born with this adverse birth defect and do not have lower half of their body?"
The joke is that people without the part of the body neck down would not be able to live, but, in the show, the person is able to live normally and happily. THATS THE JOKE. It is supposed to be sarcastic. And not supposed to be insulting to the "people born with this adverse birth defect and do not have lower half of their body".
Singaporeans should be less conservative. This of course, does not mean that girls should make their already-short skirts shorter or make their cleavage bigger. Less conservative in a psychological way, that is.
(This post is ABOUT vulgarities. There will certainly be vulgarities here and there, dont worry, it will not be intended for you.)
(Like I said, if you do not like vulgarities, do not read this post.)
Vulgarities are words that are insulting in anyway, or whatever you want it to be. I know that you know the meaning of it, so I wont explain the word any further.
There are many vulgarities in this planet, some of them includes:-
1) Fuck 2) Bitch 3) Asshole 4) KNNCCB
Let us go through each and every one of the examples given.
1) Fuck
This is one of the most popular vulgarity in the world. Used by students, teachers, parents, businessmen and even grandmothers. Fuck literally means: To have sex. But most people use it either for fun or because they know that the other party will be insulted by the mere word itself.
One of the reasons why the word is insulting is because of the way one will pronounce it. There are actually a lot of steps to pronounce the word "fuck".
Step 1) Say "fffffff"
Step 2) Say "far"
Step 3) Say "ark"
THREE steps is needed to say one word. This shows that people who use vulgarities are very fit and are able to speak very well in front of an audience.
This is an example on how to use the word "fuck":-
2) Bitch
"Bitch" usually refers to females. This is in accordance with my country's law, stating:-
"Section 1.77 of the Penal Code:
Any person stepping on this land will be liable to 5 days imprisonment if caught insulting a woman with the word "bitch". If he jumped before saying "bitch", then he will be innocent as he is not stepping on the land. Also, if he insult a man using the word "bitch", he will be told to use the word "gay", instead of "bitch"."
Here are a few pictures of well-known "bitches" all over the world:-
Based on my experiences with my friends, people call someone a "bitch" because the girl...
1) ...like to flirt 2) ...act cute 3) ...is ugly and takes picture of herself like a superstar
The word will usually result in a catfight; a fight between two girls.
_____________________________-
"asshole" and "KNNCCB" will be written in the next part of this post.
(I guess that after reading this and the part before this, most of you will be brainwashed and all of you will fail your science test.)
The world works based on a set of formulas, a set of rules, a set of regulations from whichever you believe:-
1) God 2) Nature in general 3) "It-is-like-that"
They are the ones who created the universe, but they dont want to let the world be in havoc, so? They make everything in the universe work in a set of rules, this makes the world more boring, at the same time, it makes Physics, Chemistry and Biology easier to be learnt.
So...
1) Why does the moon orbit around the Earth?
This is a very tough question, I guess. After a few hours of brain-cracking and viewing clips after clips of the moon rotating, I found the answer.
Do you watch soccer? Of course, everyone on Earth watched soccer. Watching David Beckham doing a free kick towards the goal, I watched the ball spinning on its own axis... Then, I zoomed out and saw the ball MOVING IN A CURVE!!! From there, I watch the moon spinning and saw the similarity. So, the answer to the question above it:-
"The moon orbits around Earth because it spins like a soccer ball and move in a curve."
2) I seem to have Menstruation once every month, what is it and how do I prevent the disease from coming back?
Menstruation is a disease spread by the aedes mosquito. Germs enter your bloodstream and eat up the veins, this will cause blood to gush out. The blood will then exit from your body via open holes.
All males are immune to this disease.
To prevent this disease, scientist have invented a device to stop the mosquitoes from biting you. The device is called KOTEX. Just wrapped the device around the areas infected and everything should be fine. This disease is so widespread that there are a lot of toilets who have proper bins for the disposal of these devices.
3) Are pimples bad?
Yes. They are bad.
To remove them, use your fingernails and scratch your face until the pimples are gone.
Pimples are an indication of chicken pox. If the pimples start to appear on your body, it is a confirmed case of chicken pox. Visit your nearest doctor and shout at his ears for help.
For Afiq, he do not have many oh-so-obvious pimples on his face. That is probably something he is happy about.
"FASTEST , DUN WAN SEE LIAO !!! ADD ME !!! ADD ME LAH !!! PLS LAH !!! HEHE !0!! THANK YOU ADD ME LAH !!! I'M HAPPY U ADD ME !!! WAITTING FOR YOU !!!! ^^ LOL !! GOT FREE ADD ME COMMENT!! THXxx...^^V"
Have you ever seen similar messages before? Yes, you did(I answered the question for you). Messages like these appear everywhere in friendster.com, a place where friends can connect, share images, tell others about their lives, etc, etc, etc.
But it is also a place where people strive to be "popular"; a person with many "friends" and comments/testimonials. They think that having many so-called friends will make them seem popular, but I disagree. People add them just because they are pretty(very pretty), and they have a "private profile". Which means that the guys will have to add them just to see their faces(over and over again).
Which leads me to another problem.
"Thanks for the add" is a popular exchange-sentence. They will say this when someone adds them, and so, the owner of the profile will say: Thanks for the add. Apart from the major English language error the question has, the sentence is a sign of desperation.
Adding other profiles is just a way to increase the number of "friends" they have in friendster. As there is a limit to the number of friends they have, they also make...
MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS!!!
Yes, people who have thousands of friends make multiple account for themselves. Good job! Now there are more galleries for me to view your photos! When I read their comments, all I see are Birthday greetings and "Care for intro" messages from guys. For the girls, they will say: "Friends forever". I disagree with the "friends forever" theory, this is because, everyone will die eventually.
There is also a much-abused system in friendster. And it is the bulletin board. Yes, it is full of spam and useless chain -bulletins; bulletins that is supposed to be "re-posted" again and again and again. I always avoid such areas in friendster.
I am not saying that friendster is bad or anything. It is just that many people abuse the system and thus making friendster a much littered place. If only everyone stick to the concept of design, then friendster would be an excellent place for everyone to "hang out".
Crap Revisited: How to release anger, the proper way.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
After writing about 400+ topics, I have exhausted almost every topic on Earth. So, I went through my archives for some crap that I written about a year ago. My blog was once a personal blog, telling others what I do, what I didnt do, etc etc etc. It was until a point of time where I started posting some crap and where some of my friends actually thought that it was funny. So that is the history of this blog. I also realized that my blog was way more crappier than what it is today, worse still, the posts I wrote last time did not make any sense at all.
Thus, I am revisiting some old post and re-writing them.
This method of releasing anger involves the process of slowly opening one's mouth, and letting the saliva drip onto your body. These saliva will contain the anger and the anger will be absorbed into your body.
BE CAREFUL. Do not let your saliva drip into someone else's mouth!!! This may cause severe infection and may render the person's mouth useless.
Also, do not TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT in the public when doing this. Even thought taking off your shirt will make it easier for you to carry out this method, it is not good when others are watching you.
(When saliva touches your butt, it will cause menstruation)
6) Beam-into-the-moon method
When you are angry, you certainly do not want your anger to touch your friends or your family members or your Playstation Portable.
So how do you beam your anger towards the moon?
USE A TELESCOPE!!!
Be using a telescope, you can transfer the anger towards the moon by concentrating the anger into a beam and shooting the beam towards the moon. This is the reason why the moon is full of craters and holes. NASA said that it was formed by crashing meteorites, but it was just a conspiracy.
7) Smash-the-victim method
This method is usually used when eating in front of your friend. Why is this so? This is because your friends are directly in front of you and you can punch them very easily. But be careful, DO NOT PUNCH A COCA-COLA BOTTLE.
Why? This is because, the coke will spill onto the floor and other people who walk over the area will slip and die. Also, the cleaner will have to take a towel and wipe the floor, and this may cause her to slip and die.
This method is not as deadly as the Darth Vader stance method because this method does not involve anti-anger elements.
Some famous victims of this method is:-
1) Triple H 2) Stone Cold Steve Austin 3) Britney Spears (this method caused her to shave her hair)
__________________________
That is the end for today. Good job. Do read my archives for more posts!
Skinny jeans are jeans that are skinny. As you know, skinny jeans were supposed to be for girls, until a group of boys started going to "THIS FASHION" and buying skinny jeans for themselves instead of buying it for their girlfriends.
But before that, let us look at the difference between skinny jeans and those tapered ones.
A skinny jean are for people who are very thin, and tapered ones are those who have micro feet. Technically, tapered ones are more popular between students are those wearing skinny jeans may feel a sense of tightness in their groin area. The tension that the jeans are doing to the groin area will compress the groin. This may result in a small penis. (sorry for the word.)
And that is another reason why skinny jeans are for girls only.
Another reason why skinny jeans are for girls and not for boys is that girls are ALL THIN and boys are all muscular. Remember: Skinny jeans are skinny. They are not fat. Look at the guy below, can the guy wear a skinny jeans? Of course not! This applies to all obese people too.
Skinny jeans are usually worn by "mat reps (pronounced as mart-rape). They are probably the ones that influenced others to wear the silly jeans that they are wearing. It is very easy to detect a mat rep. Here is an example of one, but he is not wearing anything else other than a pair of shorts, since he is playing soccer.
But do you know what is worse than a normal pair of skinny jeans? It is...
Yup, coloured ones. These are some pictures taken from Peninsula shopping Centre. It is a place full of shops selling skinny jeans. I mean it. Seriously.
People who wear skinny jeans already look like girls, now that they are wearing multi coloured ones, they look twice as girl-ish. Damn it.
